My daughter really wants to date outside our race…

Obtain the latest from TODAY

Q: My child is 14 and it is getting enthusiastic about guys, and she seems more interested in guys outside of our competition. I’m perhaps not a person that is racist I wish to discourage this for example easy reason: that the majority of folks aren’t reasonable up to a mixed few and I also wouldn’t like her to suffer because of this. This it sounds like I’m prejudiced, but I really don’t want her to be in pain as a result of this as I write. Can there be a real way of discouraging these relationships without seeming prejudiced?

A: No, there’s no method of “not seeming prejudiced” — since you are. Simple and plain.

This website is protected by recaptcha Privacy Policy | Terms of provider

Based on the American Heritage Dictionary, prejudice is understood to be “an undesirable judgment or opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or examination of the important points.” Although your page states that you usually do not believe you may be prejudiced, I’m suspect that your particular child thinks you’re. I realize your concern for the social problems that a blended few may face, however these are usually impacted by old, antiquated notions. The possibility that in your daughter’s social situation mixed couples may not receive special treatment or prejudice from their peers in addition, you must take into account. Children today with greater regularity have the opportunity to get acquainted with kiddies of various races, religions and ethnic backgrounds, the opportunity which several of their moms and dads didn’t have.

In any event, i could guarantee that your particular daughter will not realize your situation. Having said that, there are two main key elements for the two of you to consider whenever working with the topic of boyfriends generally speaking and also this situation in specific. I would recommend listed here two points be talked about between both you and your Matchbox child:

1. You are believed by me have to take a glance at your mindset toward the types of people you would desire your daughter to associate with. Within my brain (and also this is situated upon many years of experience coping with this precise problem with several, numerous adolescents), the easiest way to approach this case is that your kid’s choice of friends really should not be in relation to competition, but upon merit, values and compatibility. I would recommend establishing reasonable directions for the children that she’s going to keep company with, such as for example being a great student, perhaps not in some trouble utilizing the legislation, respectful for their moms and dads in addition to to you along with your household, respectful to your child, and tangled up in athletic or community companies. They are the benchmarks of good character, whatever the colour of skin, spiritual affiliation or socioeconomic history. In case your child is able to see for her is to be with someone of good character, the issue of skin color will be a moot point, both for you and for her that you are fair and that all you want. As a person and respect the successes that he has had enjoyed if she brings home a young man of a different race who meets these guidelines, I would hope that you would get to know him.
2. For the child, inform her that she has to look out for the trap into which numerous girls I’ve counseled have actually fallen — dating men just from another battle, religion or socioeconomic status as a statement of rebellion. We tell these youths that exclusively dating somebody of another team is just as prejudiced as only dating someone of one’s own back ground. Many kids believe it is “cool” to go over the boundaries, definitely not simply because they respect or just like the individual, but because they’re making use of the distinction to help make a statement. Demonstrably, this can be unjust to another person, since they are, in most cases, being manipulated and utilized.

With this particular style of interaction, i really believe the two of you, to paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, comes to evaluate your child’s times regarding the content of these character rather than the color of these epidermis.

TAKE NOTE: the info in this column shouldn’t be construed as providing certain mental or medical advice, but instead to supply visitors information to higher understand the life and wellness of by themselves and kids. It’s not designed to offer a substitute for treatment that is professional to displace the solutions of a doctor, psychiatrist or psychotherapist.